Second Month Locked Down

This week feels new. It's week five, after four that really were a smudgy blur. The boys have each processed their trauma from this drastic change in their lives and come to a place of peace with it -- at least for now. It has't been pretty. Their rage has been huge, and almost always directed at me. After rage came all the crying, and then quiet, and then hugs.

I've done the same process in the adult form. After the initial adrenaline and fear launched me through the first week, I started to sleep a lot, and wander around disengaged, keeping earbuds in, half listening to an audiobook to escape from the seemingly endless loop of housewifedom I had entered. I said goodbye to my business, my goals, and the autonomy I've clawed my way toward for seven years. It's not gone forever, but it needed to be put to rest for now so I could get down to the work at hand.

Easter came and went in that peaceful new space we had entered. We've begun moving in tiny concentric circles of play this week, and are not missing anything all that much. 

We moved our "schooling" life outdoors. Setting up our supplies with a small nod to the Waldorf traditions but with the flexibility of not having to adhere to anything that doesn't interest us in that moment. Everyone is happier with this open learning plan. 

We planted our "victory garden" a few weeks ago and it sprouted fast. We'll be growing all our salad greens this Spring/Summer/Fall. 

Bread has been my therapy. I finally made legit baguettes and a good first stab at laminated pastry.

Joel has been a rock through all this. He's had to keep getting up at 5:30am to take meetings and drive his company forward. He's poised to somehow still have one of the most successful years of his career and yet in all that endless work he's managed to be a hands-on Dad and has summoned the energy to cook dinner nearly every night. We are learning to make fancy cocktails and create our date nights with whatever we have. It's not all bad. 

The World Under Quarantine

In early February we hosted some dear friends here from the UK who had just been on a cruise on the Grand Princess, yes, that Grand Princess. We felt we were sending them off home just in time and we were more right about that than we ever wished to be. The very following voyage, as the GP disembarked from San Francisco for Mexico, she would take with her their first COVID-19 passenger and a health disaster on board would begin.

The following week our friend from France (who we met in Singapore) and a co-worker from Atlanta were here. We enjoyed wine and lovely dinners and talked about the looming crisis. Then we shopped for masks for their upcoming flights home and noticed our first sign of foreboding when we found panic in the hardware store and nearly empty shelves. We took the rationed number for our guest heading to Paris and then I opened one of our earthquake/fire kits and made sure we were covered as well as our guest departing for Atlanta.

By the end of that week we were talking in detail with friends of ours who were looking at the absolutely real possibility of needing to have enough food on hand to quarantine for a few weeks. Heck, if we were wrong, we just would finally have enough dry goods put away to officially be fire season and earthquake ready again. We carefully picked up just enough to do 14 meals and only enough toilet paper for that time too I might add. Joel noticed panic setting in among some shoppers at Costco. Shouting at employees to help them as they hoarded pallets of things they didn't really need. It was a bizarre display.

Then the school closures began in the East and South Bay. It was a bit surreal. No one in North America was considering school closures and we only had one COVID-19 case in Marin. But the Grand Princess at this point was sitting out in the SF Bay. 56 of its passengers had come home to Marin and been out and about. Then a week later they were all quarantined because one was ill. We knew we were on the verge of a crisis here and fully supported the drastic measures the Bay Area decided to use. On March 14 we cancelled our oldest's birthday party and I made my last trip out of the house to get him a cake. By March 16, the official shelter-at-home order came via the county Sheriff.

And here we are, 3 1/2 weeks later. Probably another 8 weeks like this ahead of us. We are bouncing between anxious and grateful. We are as safe as anyone can be in the US right now.

Islands and the far North

We finished up our time in Canada with a couple of weeks based in Victoria with Joel's parents. We both took some short trips that we staggered so there was always one of us plus grandparents on hand. Joel took his two unavoidable work trips (Atlanta and NY) and I took my annual solo trip to recharge. Last year I went down to LA for a couple of nights to stay with our friends there and this year I went to Yellowknife for three nights to meet up with two of my best girlfriends who live there.

The boys enjoyed being enrolled in daily private swim lessons at the rec center down the street. This is one of the glorious things about the amazing Canadian rec centers. Everything is so organized and so CHEAP. They swam every day and I had them out on the ice skating twice too.

My trip was exactly what I needed. A few uninterrupted nights of sleep, wine, good company, glorious Northern sunsets and steaming plates or Arctic char. What's not to love? I almost bought mukluks and then I decided that was perhaps the most silly thing a Californian could possibly bring home.

Once we were all back in Victoria we drove up the island to Campbell River to do one last family visit up there. The boys got to go out on a fishing boat with their great uncle and they absolutely loved it.

Our drive home was another three day haul ending with our a/c unit exploding when we went over the state line into California and finally hit Summer weather. So we drove home with cups of ice and lots of respect for that really vital part of our car. The boys did great, they showed great resilience in the face of lots of adversity on the last leg. That's why we travel anyway! Personal growth, resilience, adventures and memories.

This is where we lost our a/c. It was 104 degrees outside. 

Thoughts On Best And Worst Times For Travel With Kids

Here’s a light edit — tightened for flow and clarity, softened where it felt prescriptive, and keeping your voice intact.

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I’m sitting on the deck of a cottage overlooking the Strait of Georgia, wind rustling the Douglas firs above my head. It sounds idyllic, but really I’m taking a breather after a two-hour battle to get my boys to sleep while their dad tried to meet a deadline in the corner of our room.

It was two against one.

Two wildly energetic boys desperate for their dad’s attention: vaulting off beds, pulling down curtains, screaming, hitting — you name it. This is travel with kids while working. It’s a constant push and pull: trying to be productive while inadvertently creating power struggles because they don’t understand why one parent needs to focus on something other than them.

At home, the working parent disappears behind a closed door and the kids orient to the parent who’s fully present. On the road, everyone’s in the same room. The split focus can turn into all-out chaos. When the working parent can step away — to a café or workspace — things often settle. Even then, travel can feel destabilizing when one parent is flying solo.

Travel is exciting and fun. It’s also overstimulating, unfamiliar, and sometimes a little scary for kids. I’ve noticed our smoothest trips are the ones where we leave work completely behind. When we’re fully present, the kids seem to settle into each new place more easily. They look more relaxed, more secure, even as we shift from one location to the next.

As for “best” and “worst” ages to travel — I have mixed feelings. Every child is different, and every age has its edges.

I loved traveling with my boys as babies. They were easygoing, and I didn’t need much — a carrier and a diaper bag and we were off. From about nine months to two years, once they were walking, things got intense. Plane aisles, public parks, pushing empty strollers while sprinting after toddlers determined to test gravity. After two, attention spans lengthened a bit and plane rides became more manageable.

Three, though. Three has been a chapter.

At three, each of my boys seemed newly committed to discovering creative ways to endanger themselves: unlocking hotel doors, vanishing into hiding spots, climbing into pools, darting toward streets, refusing hands. I have a lot of compassion now for parents using toddler leashes. Sometimes everyone just needs to get through the day safely.

Four was easier with my older son, and each year after that brought a little more ease. If you’re traveling with a “threenager” and quietly vowing never again, I understand. It does change. And yes, I’m still traveling with this three-year-old — sometimes with a wrist tether — because we both need to survive the adventure.

We’ve also noticed that family travel feels different from independent travel. Weddings, holidays, reunions — they carry layers of social expectation and logistics. Kids seem to absorb that ambient stress and reflect it back. Staying with family or friends can be wonderful, but if the environment is tense for the adults, the kids often feel it too.

For us, home exchange has been an interesting solution — a way to stay near family while keeping our own space and rhythm. It requires planning ahead and a bit of flexibility, but having autonomy seems to make a difference in how we all settle.

That’s just our experience. Travel with kids can be messy and magical in the same breath. We’re still figuring it out — finding our footing, adjusting expectations, and learning what works for our family.

Saltspring Island

We've had a lazy Summer holiday on Saltspring Island. A few days in our one short home exchange this trip at the Salty Pear farm in Ganges with one night at the Mineral Springs Resort at the North end of the Island. The kids have mostly played in the fields and run and mountain biked on the trails. We've had great food in Ganges, most notably at the old Treehouse restaurant that's been there forever. We explored the tide pools at Ruckle point today finding sea anemones, starfish, crabs, moon snails and tiny hermit crabs. 

Road Trips in the Pacific Northwest

We road-tripped up the coast of California, Oregon and Washington in June after school ended for the kids. We've been in Vancouver, Victoria, Penticton and about to head to Saltspring Island.  I do love to write glowing reviews of our family travels but this one is peppered with some trials. It's been a LOT of driving and frankly the kids dislike (actually hate) it and we're not big fans of sitting down in the car either. We have all agreed we are all happier flying and then maximizing our time on arrival with lots of very active stuff. Now we know, we'll definitely not plan further long road trips.

We have been outside a lot and doing the best with inclement coastal weather. I always warn Californains heading up here in Summer to pack some warm socks as well as full rain gear. But did I remember to do that? Hah! It is really cold compared to pretty much anywhere. We're talking an average temp of 65 where we currently are in Sooke BC and while this is the "dry" season we've had rain seven days in 2 1/2 weeks so far! We grew up here so we remember the drizzle but we've gone wimpy after all the sunshine we've had for the last 12 years. It's not an unwelcome break if one needs to escape steamy temps for a few weeks. I will admit to now being ready to defrost a bit somewhere a lot warmer. Ah well.

Europe Through the Back Door Family Style

We did it! We survived a two week whirlwind trip in Europe with a 2 and 5 year old. Not only that, we managed to get back into the travel style we adopted when we read good 'ol Rick Steve's Europe Through the Back Door some years back. Carry-on only, 35-40 litre packs and only just the basics. Buy the shampoo when you arrive! I have no idea how we got so off track but when we had kids we started to travel with double strollers, carseats and enough clothes to dress the kids 3X a day. In reality it was all the stuff that made travel with the kids so much more stressful. Could we do Europe with each little carrying their own pack and forgo all the checked baggage?


Photo evidence:

One small pack each, the diaper bag full of activities, a bag to stuff the Ergo carrier into and a stroller that folds down to the size of a purse. That's it. No electronic devices, no suitcases. We flew through airports, skipped the lines, jumped onto buses and trains and walked across towns from train to Inn with no problems. With Caelen in the ergo on Joel's back and Austen in the stroller we even managed to have them both sleep while on the move. So, it was a great, relaxing and fun family trip and we are really energised to travel so much more with the boys.

Postcard from Oxford

Avebury

Our cottage

Walking across Oxford with all our stuff, yay traveling light!

Postcards from France

Europe On The Calendar Again!

Our last trip to Paris was in 2011

We did it! We booked our first trip to Europe with the kids in mid-July. It's going to be the four of us, traveling light and as simply as possible. A week in France for a reunion with our dear friends from Singapore and a week in the UK visiting my second cousins and great uncle and seeing a castle or two.

We land in Paris and spend a night in a quaint Inn in the Marais, stroll some of the sights and then catch a train to Bordeaux for our Singapore friends visit. After about 5 days in Bordeaux, we will take the train to Paris and chunnel to London to spend a night there (and a day exploring - Austen is determined to see Big Ben so we better do that) before heading out to our thatched cottage we have rented for a week in Oxfordshire.  It's the most we have ever moved around with the kids and are hoping they aren't too upset by the changes. Finding the space to travel and make it feel unhurried is our new challenge. We also are not bringing Joel's bike, the big double stroller, car seats, electronic devices (aside from phones), or anything that doesn't fit into a carry on bag. That is my mission anyway. Pictures of this actually happening pending.

Our baggage pile on the way to Montreal in 2016. This is what travel hell looks like.