The Hills, They Are Burning

 

Ok so what we said about the hills, don't take to the hills right now. They are either on fire, about to be on fire or filling with smoke. We woke to the sound of our UPS beeping as it kicked in during a power outage while we were sleeping a week ago. The house was otherwise silent and of course pitch black but I had a bad feeling the outage was due to the storm we'd heard was on the way. Dry lightning is the enemy of anyone who lives on the West coast of Canada or the US. Late summer heat and dryness in the forests makes for a dangerous place for a strike to land. In 2008 we were here for the last dry lightning event in California and it was pretty catastrophic. 

I looked out over the valley saw in in distance some flashes of  lightening and when I stepped outside the dry hot wind kicked up and started to pull on our awning over the deck. The air smelled like sulfur. Joel got up and began manually cranking in the awning which is very difficult without the electric motor. The storm rolled closer and some drops of rain started and I had to run outside to cover the generator with tarps and huge rocks to hold them down dodging flying branches. Our phones lit up with alerts about fires from the storm that had started in Mill Valley, Pt Reyes, Forest Knolls/San Geronimo (very close to us) and I believe there were a few other strikes spots around the Muir Woods side of Mt Tam. Even with the rain starting we knew there was enough build up of dry tinder, these fires were not going to be easy to attack. I sat up with my phone and our wireless hotspot (the only way to get a signal in an outage here because we are just out of regular cell phone company range).  Our local firefighters heroically put out all the fires overnight except for the one in the Pt Reyes National Park which they could not reach. That is the one that is now nearly 3,000 acres and now drawing resources from Montana. 

 A week went by with over 650 fires raging across the state from the lightning event and then we had advance warning of ANOTHER lightning complex coming our way and were advised to be ready to evacuate if a strike were to land near us. So, along with all our friends in the area, we began to organize the plan for evacuation and pack up essentials in the car. A massive Red Flag warning covering most of Northern California was declared. Extra resources started to pour into the state. Luckily when the storm hit it has mostly dispersed at sea and there were just a couple of strikes near existing fires. Our Red Flag was lifted and life returned to our strange normal.  

Fairfax with unhealthy smoke levels still had a concert in the parking lot and diners sitting on patios

It's hazy out there but the sun makes it through. We usually have clear air in the afternoon & evening.

We're so fortunate to have central air conditioning (powered by our solar array) which pulls in fresh air from outside, cools it and then filters it before sending it around the house. Very little smoke gets inside. We had the system updated just a couple of years ago and are very glad we did. It has saved our lungs and sanity the last few years. 

Taking to the Hills

 As we watch the historic exodus out of San Francisco we see the highest rents in North America plunge and the city's real estate market flood. It's something I never thought I'd see living here. With everyone working from home for five months with likely another year of this on the horizon, people with means are making choices to head for the hills. 

In our circle alone we know folks buying rural properties in Northern California, Washington, Oregon and either building a house or working with what's there. Others are building up tiny homes on truck chassis and driving them off into the sunset. Expats are biding their time debating repatriation or a new country. It's not like kids are physically in school this year. It's not like we're likely to see any of the friends we might miss. We're living in one of the most desireable spots to retreat to but that also means we could name the rent price (likely 6,000+ a month) and head further out for a while. It's definitely crossed my mind. 

We miss you California

We're missing so many places, people and happenings while we wait in lockdown. This is a time of year we often make our way down the Pacific Coast Highway through Carmel and Big Sur to Santa Monica and LA seeing friends all the way. I miss those palm treed boulevards, sparkling beaches and long sunsets. Evenings outside under a canopy of grape vines, enjoying feasts with dear friends and so much champagne. We took one last trip into wine country just before the lockdown which I am very grateful for. We'll miss the fall wine tasting and stocking up the cellar too. 

100 Days

Week 15 is coming to a close here and we are apparently on day 100 since the SIP order began. Summer has officially begun though we've had Summer weather basically the whole lockdown thus far. I can't complain about that. The weather is one of the reasons we originally fell in love with this valley in the first place back in 2007. 

We can now drive our car to a local park so we can visit the ones beyond walking distance which allowed us to have a beach day yesterday. 

Every other day for the kids is a playdate within our two-family pod which is fun. We adults have a cocktails and games night once a week after the kids go to bed. Joel and I also host a Zoom trivia night for our family and friends in Canada every Saturday which has been going on for about two months now. I am planning to do some socially distant outdoor walks with a friend. This wasn't allowed until quite recently. 

Mentally we're actually doing fine. We're among the lucky folks who have not lost both parent's jobs, aren't sick, haven't lost loved ones, can make house payments. We also have two kids who can play all day together and all this time together has been really good for each of us in different ways. We read a few papers in the evening, avoid any televised coverage and skim through medical journals a few times a week to monitor how things are going out there and then we unplug from news again. I don't really find the news as stressful as I find the idea of not knowing things so the daily check in is essential. I gravitate to the stories of exciting scientific research and cures the most. That's the hope I'm looking for.

Every so often I think of sitting by our pool in Singapore or a rice field in Bali or strolling the streets of Paris. But then I flop into our hammock and watch the little lizards scurry across the baking rocks and listen to the hum of cicadas and feel ok just being here. 

Pods of People

We are deep in the hot lazy days of Summer now. A little while ago, we created a two-family "pod." It was in the works back in February when our families were on a ski trip together, and we hatched a plan that "if what happened in Italy happens here, we'll isolate together." Well we did it. It was totally surreal to walk into a friend's house and hug them. It's been overwhelming to go from really quiet with days owhere we don't even talk very much to all the giggles and shouts and other adults to joke with. The other family also has one parent working from home and one doing the homeschooling. Two parents now are teaming up and running what we affectionately refer to as Bummercamp. The kids are so happy. We each take turns cooking for our group of 8, we juggle kids around so everyone gets breaks and couples get "dates". We've combined all our grocery orders, and our gardening plans. I do all the baking and am enjoying having more to share it with. Our favorite new tradition is "the half sleepover". We have dinner and put all four kids (aged 4 and 7) to bed in one room. Then adults make cocktails and watch a movie. When it's time to part, we carry the guest kids to the car (they don't wake up) and put them in bed at home. They are so used to all going to bed now it's like a well-worn track. 

#blacklivesmatter Posters for the car caravan

Aside from our happy little pod, we have been focusing more on civil rights. We've been pretty absorbed in the Black Lives Matter protests. It has sparked more learning about US history for us.  We joined the Fairfax BLM car caravan last week with the kids and started some big conversations with them at their level. It's a pivotal time for the United States. My Canadian friends aren't sure why we aren't running for the border. I'm not afraid really. The rise of Trumpism is scary sure, but this isn't just happening in the US. It just happens to be exploding here right now. Like Mr Rogers said "Look for the helpers" and we do, and they are always there. 

Third Month in the Time of 'Rona

So it's the end of week 11. It's been gorgeous weather through almost all of these weeks at home. We had a few much needed days of rain a few weeks ago but mostly it's been clear blue skies and a lot of hot Summer days with temps in the high 30s.

Our days are pretty easy. We get up, I make coffee and crawl back into my sunny bed to read and the boys make some breakfast for themselves and play. I get up and cook eggs and sometimes they put pants on. Sometimes. If I'm organized and not trying to juggle anything else I gather up our "school" materials and we head down to the little outdoor lounge area by the play structure to work under the trees before it gets too hot. They choose a sheet of math games or language arts or a book to read and that might be it for our structured work day. It's amazing how much they have covered in just a short and sweet daily check-in but that's really the extent of our school day.

After that, there's all the play. Forts need to be built, zip-lines tested, paintings painted. I have never heard anyone say they are bored. Not once. No one ever stops moving either. The pile of things that didn't pass the brother's stress tests grows. They do break a lot of things. But they always have an entertaining story about why. We are more patient about many things because we have time to investigate the whys. They tell us they can't wait to go back to school but they are also happy and unhurried. Austen keeps telling me this might be one of the best summers of his life. Caelen keeps saying "it's such a lovely day mom."

I'm keeping really busy. I mean just keeping the kids alive and doing some of their schooling is already full time but I'm volunteering to help with collecting work samples from Austen's class and I have 1/3 of an acre of garden that keeps trying to sneak away from me. Lots of baking to keep up with and Joel and I do quite detailed meal planning together. He cooks ALL of the dinners still ( I KNOW) and I do the online grocery order from Good Earth once a week and a local dude rides it over here on a motorized utility bike.

Once every week or two we have been ordering in Indian food for a date night. Even with that little occasional splurge, our shift to having almost no packaged pre made foods - not that we were ever getting much of that - has cut our food bills more than in half. It's been a good challenge. Food is generally more plentiful than it was in the first weeks. We aren't seeing empty aisles at grocery stores anymore. The toilet paper is back on shelves (rationed but there) and I don't have to limit milk, eggs and cheese because I can buy enough for a week at a time without hitting a store's purchase limits.

Who knew the kids eat 3 lbs of cheese, 2 dozen eggs and a gallon of milk a week? I did not. Joel and I used to meet at Good Earth nearly every morning after the two school drop offs and have breakfast or coffee and then I'd grab just a few things. I had never in my life shopped for a week. And now most of our staples we actually shop for 4-6 weeks in advance and my weekly is dairy and produce.

Anyway, we're going to be fine here. We're pretty safe and happy in our little bubble.

Second Month Locked Down

This week feels new. It's week five, after four that really were a smudgy blur. The boys have each processed their trauma from this drastic change in their lives and come to a place of peace with it -- at least for now. It has't been pretty. Their rage has been huge, and almost always directed at me. After rage came all the crying, and then quiet, and then hugs.

I've done the same process in the adult form. After the initial adrenaline and fear launched me through the first week, I started to sleep a lot, and wander around disengaged, keeping earbuds in, half listening to an audiobook to escape from the seemingly endless loop of housewifedom I had entered. I said goodbye to my business, my goals, and the autonomy I've clawed my way toward for seven years. It's not gone forever, but it needed to be put to rest for now so I could get down to the work at hand.

Easter came and went in that peaceful new space we had entered. We've begun moving in tiny concentric circles of play this week, and are not missing anything all that much. 

We moved our "schooling" life outdoors. Setting up our supplies with a small nod to the Waldorf traditions but with the flexibility of not having to adhere to anything that doesn't interest us in that moment. Everyone is happier with this open learning plan. 

We planted our "victory garden" a few weeks ago and it sprouted fast. We'll be growing all our salad greens this Spring/Summer/Fall. 

Bread has been my therapy. I finally made legit baguettes and a good first stab at laminated pastry.

Joel has been a rock through all this. He's had to keep getting up at 5:30am to take meetings and drive his company forward. He's poised to somehow still have one of the most successful years of his career and yet in all that endless work he's managed to be a hands-on Dad and has summoned the energy to cook dinner nearly every night. We are learning to make fancy cocktails and create our date nights with whatever we have. It's not all bad. 

The World Under Quarantine

In early February we hosted some dear friends here from the UK who had just been on a cruise on the Grand Princess, yes, that Grand Princess. We felt we were sending them off home just in time and we were more right about that than we ever wished to be. The very following voyage, as the GP disembarked from San Francisco for Mexico, she would take with her their first COVID-19 passenger and a health disaster on board would begin.

The following week our friend from France (who we met in Singapore) and a co-worker from Atlanta were here. We enjoyed wine and lovely dinners and talked about the looming crisis. Then we shopped for masks for their upcoming flights home and noticed our first sign of foreboding when we found panic in the hardware store and nearly empty shelves. We took the rationed number for our guest heading to Paris and then I opened one of our earthquake/fire kits and made sure we were covered as well as our guest departing for Atlanta.

By the end of that week we were talking in detail with friends of ours who were looking at the absolutely real possibility of needing to have enough food on hand to quarantine for a few weeks. Heck, if we were wrong, we just would finally have enough dry goods put away to officially be fire season and earthquake ready again. We carefully picked up just enough to do 14 meals and only enough toilet paper for that time too I might add. Joel noticed panic setting in among some shoppers at Costco. Shouting at employees to help them as they hoarded pallets of things they didn't really need. It was a bizarre display.

Then the school closures began in the East and South Bay. It was a bit surreal. No one in North America was considering school closures and we only had one COVID-19 case in Marin. But the Grand Princess at this point was sitting out in the SF Bay. 56 of its passengers had come home to Marin and been out and about. Then a week later they were all quarantined because one was ill. We knew we were on the verge of a crisis here and fully supported the drastic measures the Bay Area decided to use. On March 14 we cancelled our oldest's birthday party and I made my last trip out of the house to get him a cake. By March 16, the official shelter-at-home order came via the county Sheriff.

And here we are, 3 1/2 weeks later. Probably another 8 weeks like this ahead of us. We are bouncing between anxious and grateful. We are as safe as anyone can be in the US right now.

Islands and the far North

We finished up our time in Canada with a couple of weeks based in Victoria with Joel's parents. We both took some short trips that we staggered so there was always one of us plus grandparents on hand. Joel took his two unavoidable work trips (Atlanta and NY) and I took my annual solo trip to recharge. Last year I went down to LA for a couple of nights to stay with our friends there and this year I went to Yellowknife for three nights to meet up with two of my best girlfriends who live there.

The boys enjoyed being enrolled in daily private swim lessons at the rec center down the street. This is one of the glorious things about the amazing Canadian rec centers. Everything is so organized and so CHEAP. They swam every day and I had them out on the ice skating twice too.

My trip was exactly what I needed. A few uninterrupted nights of sleep, wine, good company, glorious Northern sunsets and steaming plates or Arctic char. What's not to love? I almost bought mukluks and then I decided that was perhaps the most silly thing a Californian could possibly bring home.

Once we were all back in Victoria we drove up the island to Campbell River to do one last family visit up there. The boys got to go out on a fishing boat with their great uncle and they absolutely loved it.

Our drive home was another three day haul ending with our a/c unit exploding when we went over the state line into California and finally hit Summer weather. So we drove home with cups of ice and lots of respect for that really vital part of our car. The boys did great, they showed great resilience in the face of lots of adversity on the last leg. That's why we travel anyway! Personal growth, resilience, adventures and memories.

This is where we lost our a/c. It was 104 degrees outside. 

Thoughts On Best And Worst Times For Travel With Kids

Here’s a light edit — tightened for flow and clarity, softened where it felt prescriptive, and keeping your voice intact.

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I’m sitting on the deck of a cottage overlooking the Strait of Georgia, wind rustling the Douglas firs above my head. It sounds idyllic, but really I’m taking a breather after a two-hour battle to get my boys to sleep while their dad tried to meet a deadline in the corner of our room.

It was two against one.

Two wildly energetic boys desperate for their dad’s attention: vaulting off beds, pulling down curtains, screaming, hitting — you name it. This is travel with kids while working. It’s a constant push and pull: trying to be productive while inadvertently creating power struggles because they don’t understand why one parent needs to focus on something other than them.

At home, the working parent disappears behind a closed door and the kids orient to the parent who’s fully present. On the road, everyone’s in the same room. The split focus can turn into all-out chaos. When the working parent can step away — to a café or workspace — things often settle. Even then, travel can feel destabilizing when one parent is flying solo.

Travel is exciting and fun. It’s also overstimulating, unfamiliar, and sometimes a little scary for kids. I’ve noticed our smoothest trips are the ones where we leave work completely behind. When we’re fully present, the kids seem to settle into each new place more easily. They look more relaxed, more secure, even as we shift from one location to the next.

As for “best” and “worst” ages to travel — I have mixed feelings. Every child is different, and every age has its edges.

I loved traveling with my boys as babies. They were easygoing, and I didn’t need much — a carrier and a diaper bag and we were off. From about nine months to two years, once they were walking, things got intense. Plane aisles, public parks, pushing empty strollers while sprinting after toddlers determined to test gravity. After two, attention spans lengthened a bit and plane rides became more manageable.

Three, though. Three has been a chapter.

At three, each of my boys seemed newly committed to discovering creative ways to endanger themselves: unlocking hotel doors, vanishing into hiding spots, climbing into pools, darting toward streets, refusing hands. I have a lot of compassion now for parents using toddler leashes. Sometimes everyone just needs to get through the day safely.

Four was easier with my older son, and each year after that brought a little more ease. If you’re traveling with a “threenager” and quietly vowing never again, I understand. It does change. And yes, I’m still traveling with this three-year-old — sometimes with a wrist tether — because we both need to survive the adventure.

We’ve also noticed that family travel feels different from independent travel. Weddings, holidays, reunions — they carry layers of social expectation and logistics. Kids seem to absorb that ambient stress and reflect it back. Staying with family or friends can be wonderful, but if the environment is tense for the adults, the kids often feel it too.

For us, home exchange has been an interesting solution — a way to stay near family while keeping our own space and rhythm. It requires planning ahead and a bit of flexibility, but having autonomy seems to make a difference in how we all settle.

That’s just our experience. Travel with kids can be messy and magical in the same breath. We’re still figuring it out — finding our footing, adjusting expectations, and learning what works for our family.