Friendships and the Pod Evolution

It's been a hard year for relationships with people. Some friendships are the same as ever because we always had long pauses. We chat online and check in like it's no big deal. Other friendships have almost faded out without the frequent in-person meetings. 

The pod thing is like playing "who would you want to be marooned on a desert island with?" only you really do it. There was no way to include all our close friends here and I felt that the decision of who to quarantine with with came from being in lockstep with another family in our circle. When people ask how we decided I have to really think about it. 

And so, when the lockdown began we rode out the first couple of months in isolation and then, the moment the local county said that we could, we podded up. It took a few weeks to hit our stride but eventually, we began to live communally. Taking turns cooking and hosting dinner in the evenings, and eventually, putting all the kids to bed together almost every night which oddly enough makes bedtime easier. We spend the evenings with cocktails and games or sometimes just sitting on our phones in that comfortable silence between good friends. 

The key to happiness in a communal living pod like ours doesn't lie only in friendship but also in how  people cope with the pandemic stress. I'd say most people would probably find our habits pretty hard to roll with. Because we have two members with high levels of health risk, we are at the highest level of lock down measures all the time. We all have 0 direct contact outside the pod. Everyone works from home, kids homeschool and we only go inside a business if we have exhausted every other means of getting that item. It's something that might happen once a month and undertaken with the solemnity of performing surgery. We don't grocery shop in person, we don't eat on cafe patios, use public restrooms or take public transit or taxis. 

We're also all news junkies and among us we cover a mix of British, Canadian, French, Singaporean and American news. We read a lot of scientific papers, journals and have been focused on the impressive research going on. It's helped keep the focus away from the scary headlines and on the progress instead. I find being focused on the goal of ending this pandemic to be very centering. Some people find the news keeps them up at night and makes them upset. To each their own. I think part of me would be happier if I could somehow be a scientist right now, pulling long shifts trying to save lives. I've always been good in a crisis, not so good at riding out monotony.

In the autumn we added a third family. This was is another classmate of the older two kids and her parents who are part of our mutual parent friends as well. They were also keeping their daughter home when school resumed and maintaining a similar level of lockdown at home so it was a good fit for us all. 

We know we are fortunate to have found a pod life that feels right for this adventure we are on. Where this will go or where it will end, we don't know. But I hope when we look back we'll see the growth that happened. 

The Election That Xanax Won

Usually elections are like a sports match here. Lots of parties, food, drinking, banter. The outcome matters but it won't end a friendship or a marriage. But the past five years have been different. We've seen the viterol of Fox news crazed white baby boomers tear families apart. Nearly every friend has some crazy uncle or parent who has adopted a level brazen racism that just doesn't seem real. The trend of anti-intellectualism was examined during the Bush years and much laughed about on late night TV, but I don't think anyone thought the cult of being uneducated could grow like this in a country with such value placed on innovation and growth. 

So here we are. Day two of ballot counting. Somehow...too close to call yet. Children are in cages. White supremacists are parading around with impunity, basic women's rights are at risk of being stripped back to the 1950s. It shouldn't be a tough decision. 

 

Dinner in the dark and turning 40

I was unsure of how to celebrate Joel's 40th or my own this past month and as mine drew closer, I felt a little pressure to figure that out. It's supposed to be a big day, it's supposed to be momentous. Finally we landed on the idea of Joel cooking one of his epic feasts out of two of our Ottolenghi cookbooks and I searched for the most ridiculous show-stopper of a Birthday cake I could find. We invited our pod and Joel spent the week preparing and receiving mysterious packages. Then we were given notice of extreme fire weather over the weekend and told the power would be cut for 24 hours starting during our planned dinner. We changed nothing but checked the batteries in the LED candles and lanterns and made sure the 2000 watt power inverter was set up beside the car and there were extension cords spread around the house to the fridge and freezer so we could be on back-up power in about 10 minutes when needed. When the day arrived the dinner was absolutely perfect, I'm going to share some pictures. The power went out as we finished the final courses and we cheered and made espresso by the flickering light of a lantern hanging in the cozy kitchen. 

Grilled Grapes with Mozzarella

Beet, orange and feta salad

Curried lentil, tomato, coconut soup

Palette cleanser: home made vodka lemon sorbet with champagne

Tri tip

Roast cauliflower

Baked home made gnocci

Asparagus with almonds, capers and dill

Roast eggplant with sesame, and sauteed shallots

We began with one of my favorite chardonnays sent by my parents

At the meat course this big peppery Cab Sauv came out

Dessert was a St Honore, butter puff pastry crust with Italian pastry cream filling; layered with sponge cake brushed with rum; decorated with chocolate and fresh whipped cream and pastry cream-filled caramelized cream puffs.

We also had a tray of assorted italian cookies by the same pastry shop

 

Thankful

Since it's the week of reflecting on being thankful, here is my big over-arching thing I am thankful for. What a gift it has been to be located here during the lockdown. We've had 7 months of blue skies almost every single day (except for the smoky time). And so much room to run, hike and lounge outdoors. I run or walk alone every day and Joel runs or takes a bike ride on the roads or mountain bike trails. It keeps us positive, no matter what is going on out there. 

Thanksgiving of course was not the same this year. We didn't have a sit down dinner for 40 in the back yard or guests arriving from all over the place, cooking and baking here for days beforehand. That whole festival of food will be a happy memory from the past for a while yet. 

This year we decided not to try to make it like anything else we've ever done. We skipped traditions and our pod of three families gathered here. We had a loose theme around a British pub night. Everyone brought beer and we ordered curry for the adults and the kids had steak and ale pie and chips. I made an apple pie and the kids all went to bed leaving the adults to sit out under the twinkle lights and patio heater and enjoy ourselves. 

Glass Fire and Red Flags

A screen grab from the San Francisco Chronicle this morning of the damage to one of the huge wineries destroyed this week by the Glass Fire. 

We had a lovely three weeks or so of our "normal" September weather. Skies in the deep blue that you only see along this part of the globe. The mornings were a little cooler and evenings filled with crickets and frogs in symphony. Days for lounging in temps around 30c. Perfect for sipping rosé and BBQing. 

We'd cleaned the soot from all our outdoor decks and washed all the cushions and hammocks. But as we feared that didn't last. Fire season resumed with a new fire exploding in wine country just an hour North of us. *Just* before that began we had word that our wine order had shipped from Terra Valentine but it's not here so we're a little worried one of our favorite places might be evacuated too. 

Marin is on high alert with a red flag warning this week too. No one is allowed to use power tools outside or use many of the roads through the parks and lots of parks are just closed. Red flags are something we're pretty used to having whenever the humidity and wind gets to the danger point. I hope that they don't need to cut our power but if there's any high wind this week, we fully support them shutting down the grid. We have a generator and are equipped to just carry on. 

Living anywhere on the planet is going to subject you to climate emergencies at some point now. We're gutted that all the most spectacular places we have been are going to be first on the chopping block it seems. 

Then The Sky Turned Orange

 One couldn't really blog 2020 in the Bay Area without marking that day the freaking sky turned orange. But it did and we were socked in along with the entire coast all the way up into Northern BC. 

But that dreadful week passed in a dim post apocalyptic light and then the wind cleared all the air and we are back to beautiful clear Summer again. Joel and I are happy to be back to our trail runs at sunset. 

Back To School-ish

We went through many contingencies for Fall 2020. In the end we decided to just chill and homeschool and see what panned out around us. The crunchy Waldorf independent study charter where the kids were registered served up such a half-baked plan so late in the Summer that we hardly had a choice as all. Other roads were certainly no longer open. Flakey school planning when paired with extreme funding cutbacks from the state resulted in Caelen's class being cut from the school altogether a couple of weeks from his start date and Austen's class, which begins this week, lost its teacher. They combined the grade 2 class with the grade three class, creating a mega class... and are planning to have the kids in person on campus next month for outdoor classes. The details are vague, and the class size is more than double of what the Marin county health officer would like to see. We'll just watch to see what happens first.

Meanwhile, our little homeschooling situation is actually pretty sweet. We put the two TK kids together at one house and the two 2nd graders at the other each day, and each parent is teaching what they excel in. One mom is doing writing and reading and I'm doing art, history, and baking. The dads are in charge of STEM projects that include blowing things up outside (really) and woodworking and robots. The 2nd graders will participate in Zoom lessons with their Waldorf peers for the coming month just to try that out but given how fast they have already covered much of the curriculum planned for this year at the Waldorf school I'm not convinced they will really enjoy this in the long run. Time will tell. 

The fire in Pt Reyes is still burning with so much fuel that it is likely to burn for two more months despite being contained. It's still a little smokey out there some days. Our PM has been under 100 all week and often under 50 which is better than any normal urban city but occasionally we get a wind change and are socked in under a cloud that puts us back into a PM reading of 250 or more. 

I've been able to go for a run every day when it clears and we've enjoyed some days with fog in the mornings so despite the summer heat, the cool mornings and nights have been lovely. It's really got the crickets going in the evenings again which I love. Autumn in California is always a treat weather-wise in a non-fire year. It's still Summer till November and some years, even till December. We're hoping with continued closures of the parks and prudent power shutdowns, we can prevent another surge of fires this season. California could use some quiet nights. 

The Hills, They Are Burning

 

Ok so what we said about the hills, don't take to the hills right now. They are either on fire, about to be on fire or filling with smoke. We woke to the sound of our UPS beeping as it kicked in during a power outage while we were sleeping a week ago. The house was otherwise silent and of course pitch black but I had a bad feeling the outage was due to the storm we'd heard was on the way. Dry lightning is the enemy of anyone who lives on the West coast of Canada or the US. Late summer heat and dryness in the forests makes for a dangerous place for a strike to land. In 2008 we were here for the last dry lightning event in California and it was pretty catastrophic. 

I looked out over the valley saw in in distance some flashes of  lightening and when I stepped outside the dry hot wind kicked up and started to pull on our awning over the deck. The air smelled like sulfur. Joel got up and began manually cranking in the awning which is very difficult without the electric motor. The storm rolled closer and some drops of rain started and I had to run outside to cover the generator with tarps and huge rocks to hold them down dodging flying branches. Our phones lit up with alerts about fires from the storm that had started in Mill Valley, Pt Reyes, Forest Knolls/San Geronimo (very close to us) and I believe there were a few other strikes spots around the Muir Woods side of Mt Tam. Even with the rain starting we knew there was enough build up of dry tinder, these fires were not going to be easy to attack. I sat up with my phone and our wireless hotspot (the only way to get a signal in an outage here because we are just out of regular cell phone company range).  Our local firefighters heroically put out all the fires overnight except for the one in the Pt Reyes National Park which they could not reach. That is the one that is now nearly 3,000 acres and now drawing resources from Montana. 

 A week went by with over 650 fires raging across the state from the lightning event and then we had advance warning of ANOTHER lightning complex coming our way and were advised to be ready to evacuate if a strike were to land near us. So, along with all our friends in the area, we began to organize the plan for evacuation and pack up essentials in the car. A massive Red Flag warning covering most of Northern California was declared. Extra resources started to pour into the state. Luckily when the storm hit it has mostly dispersed at sea and there were just a couple of strikes near existing fires. Our Red Flag was lifted and life returned to our strange normal.  

Fairfax with unhealthy smoke levels still had a concert in the parking lot and diners sitting on patios

It's hazy out there but the sun makes it through. We usually have clear air in the afternoon & evening.

We're so fortunate to have central air conditioning (powered by our solar array) which pulls in fresh air from outside, cools it and then filters it before sending it around the house. Very little smoke gets inside. We had the system updated just a couple of years ago and are very glad we did. It has saved our lungs and sanity the last few years. 

Taking to the Hills

 As we watch the historic exodus out of San Francisco we see the highest rents in North America plunge and the city's real estate market flood. It's something I never thought I'd see living here. With everyone working from home for five months with likely another year of this on the horizon, people with means are making choices to head for the hills. 

In our circle alone we know folks buying rural properties in Northern California, Washington, Oregon and either building a house or working with what's there. Others are building up tiny homes on truck chassis and driving them off into the sunset. Expats are biding their time debating repatriation or a new country. It's not like kids are physically in school this year. It's not like we're likely to see any of the friends we might miss. We're living in one of the most desireable spots to retreat to but that also means we could name the rent price (likely 6,000+ a month) and head further out for a while. It's definitely crossed my mind. 

We miss you California

We're missing so many places, people and happenings while we wait in lockdown. This is a time of year we often make our way down the Pacific Coast Highway through Carmel and Big Sur to Santa Monica and LA seeing friends all the way. I miss those palm treed boulevards, sparkling beaches and long sunsets. Evenings outside under a canopy of grape vines, enjoying feasts with dear friends and so much champagne. We took one last trip into wine country just before the lockdown which I am very grateful for. We'll miss the fall wine tasting and stocking up the cellar too. 

100 Days

Week 15 is coming to a close here and we are apparently on day 100 since the SIP order began. Summer has officially begun though we've had Summer weather basically the whole lockdown thus far. I can't complain about that. The weather is one of the reasons we originally fell in love with this valley in the first place back in 2007. 

We can now drive our car to a local park so we can visit the ones beyond walking distance which allowed us to have a beach day yesterday. 

Every other day for the kids is a playdate within our two-family pod which is fun. We adults have a cocktails and games night once a week after the kids go to bed. Joel and I also host a Zoom trivia night for our family and friends in Canada every Saturday which has been going on for about two months now. I am planning to do some socially distant outdoor walks with a friend. This wasn't allowed until quite recently. 

Mentally we're actually doing fine. We're among the lucky folks who have not lost both parent's jobs, aren't sick, haven't lost loved ones, can make house payments. We also have two kids who can play all day together and all this time together has been really good for each of us in different ways. We read a few papers in the evening, avoid any televised coverage and skim through medical journals a few times a week to monitor how things are going out there and then we unplug from news again. I don't really find the news as stressful as I find the idea of not knowing things so the daily check in is essential. I gravitate to the stories of exciting scientific research and cures the most. That's the hope I'm looking for.

Every so often I think of sitting by our pool in Singapore or a rice field in Bali or strolling the streets of Paris. But then I flop into our hammock and watch the little lizards scurry across the baking rocks and listen to the hum of cicadas and feel ok just being here. 

Pods of People

We are deep in the hot lazy days of Summer now. A little while ago, we created a two-family "pod." It was in the works back in February when our families were on a ski trip together, and we hatched a plan that "if what happened in Italy happens here, we'll isolate together." Well we did it. It was totally surreal to walk into a friend's house and hug them. It's been overwhelming to go from really quiet with days owhere we don't even talk very much to all the giggles and shouts and other adults to joke with. The other family also has one parent working from home and one doing the homeschooling. Two parents now are teaming up and running what we affectionately refer to as Bummercamp. The kids are so happy. We each take turns cooking for our group of 8, we juggle kids around so everyone gets breaks and couples get "dates". We've combined all our grocery orders, and our gardening plans. I do all the baking and am enjoying having more to share it with. Our favorite new tradition is "the half sleepover". We have dinner and put all four kids (aged 4 and 7) to bed in one room. Then adults make cocktails and watch a movie. When it's time to part, we carry the guest kids to the car (they don't wake up) and out them in bed at home. They are so used to all going to bed now it's like a well-worn track. 

#blacklivesmatter Posters for the car caravan

Aside from our happy little pod, we have been focusing less on covid and more on civil rights. We've been pretty absorbed in the Black Lives Matter protests. It has sparked more learning about US history for us.  We joined the Fairfax BLM car caravan last week with the kids and started some big conversations with them at their level. It's a pivotal time for the United States. My Canadian friends aren't sure why we aren't running for the border. I'm not afraid really. The rise of Trumpism is scary sure, but this isn't just happening in the US. It just happens to be exploding here right now. Like Mr Rogers said "Look for the helpers" and we do, and they are always there. 

COVID-19 Where We Are

For the sake of documenting our time in this crazy pandemic I'm going to update with the local numbers. I get a lot of emails from friends in Canada about how worried they are about us being in the US. Thanks guys! We know you're worried but it's a big country. We're in one of the safest places here. It's going to be ok but anyway here are some stats and facts to put it in perspective.


Marin is a county of 258,826 year round residents (2018) in 2,140 square km. So for Canadians, that's lower population and more sparsely populated than Greater Victoria. Now we are of course surrounded by a collection of other counties in the San Francisco Bay Area which tops out at nearly 8 million people.

It's worth noting that all people working any kind of job right now outside their home can get free testing regardless of symptoms and anyone else with symptoms can get that too. There are a lot of tests here so I think the recent numbers are probably pretty accurate.

The number of potential cases being monitored has gone down sharply since the beginning when there were very few tests available so that's also a very good sign.

Currently our Shelter-In-Place order is on-going with very gradual changes every few weeks to allow for more business activity. Masks have been mandatory for anyone when they go out since late April. The first re-opening step was just allowing non-essential businesses to do curbside pick-ups. And some of the parks with parking lots re-opened their parking so people can use a park a little further from their house to walk. So pretty small steps, lots of waiting to see what happens. Schools are set to re-open in late August BUT with lots of very unknown social distancing rules so we really are all unsure of how that is going to look.

Summer camps and childcare are re-opening with much reduced numbers and limited placement available currently only children of essential workers. We've been contacted by Summer camps who say they can at least enroll kids for later in the Summer and see what happens. Most are expecting kids of non-essential employees working at home can do some kind of childcare soonish.

Anyway, that's what it looks like here. Not very shocking, no dramatic hospital scenes and people generally following the rules and staying the course.

Third Month in the Time of 'Rona

So it's the end of week 11. It's been gorgeous weather through almost all of these weeks at home. We had a few much needed days of rain a few weeks ago but mostly it's been clear blue skies and a lot of hot Summer days with temps in the high 30s.

Our days are pretty easy. We get up, I make coffee and crawl back into my sunny bed to read and the boys make some breakfast for themselves and play. I get up and cook eggs and sometimes they put pants on. Sometimes. If I'm organized and not trying to juggle anything else I gather up our "school" materials and we head down to the little outdoor lounge area by the play structure to work under the trees before it gets too hot. They choose a sheet of math games or language arts or a book to read and that might be it for our structured work day. It's amazing how much they have covered in just a short and sweet daily check-in but that's really the extent of our school day.

After that, there's all the play. Forts need to be built, zip-lines tested, paintings painted. I have never heard anyone say they are bored. Not once. No one ever stops moving either. The pile of things that didn't pass the brother's stress tests grows. They do break a lot of things. But they always have an entertaining story about why. We are more patient about many things because we have time to investigate the whys. They tell us they can't wait to go back to school but they are also happy and unhurried. Austen keeps telling me this might be one of the best summers of his life. Caelen keeps saying "it's such a lovely day mom."

I'm keeping really busy. I mean just keeping the kids alive and doing some of their schooling is already full time but I'm volunteering to help with collecting work samples from Austen's class and I have 1/3 of an acre of garden that keeps trying to sneak away from me. Lots of baking to keep up with and Joel and I do quite detailed meal planning together. He cooks ALL of the dinners still ( I KNOW) and I do the online grocery order from Good Earth once a week and a local dude rides it over here on a motorized utility bike.

Once every week or two we have been ordering in Indian food for a date night. Even with that little occasional splurge, our shift to having almost no packaged pre made foods - not that we were ever getting much of that - has cut our food bills more than in half. It's been a good challenge. Food is generally more plentiful than it was in the first weeks. We aren't seeing empty aisles at grocery stores anymore. The toilet paper is back on shelves (rationed but there) and I don't have to limit milk, eggs and cheese because I can buy enough for a week at a time without hitting a store's purchase limits.

Who knew the kids eat 3 lbs of cheese, 2 dozen eggs and a gallon of milk a week? I did not. Joel and I used to meet at Good Earth nearly every morning after the two school drop offs and have breakfast or coffee and then I'd grab just a few things. I had never in my life shopped for a week. And now most of our staples we actually shop for 4-6 weeks in advance and my weekly is dairy and produce.

Anyway, we're going to be fine here. We're pretty safe and happy in our little bubble.

Second Month Locked Down

This week feels new. It's week five, after four that really were a smudgy blur. The boys have each processed their trauma from this drastic change in their lives and come to a place of peace with it -- at least for now. It has't been pretty. Their rage has been huge, and almost always directed at me. After rage came all the crying, and then quiet, and then hugs.

I've done the same process in the adult form. After the initial adrenaline and fear launched me through the first week, I started to sleep a lot, and wander around disengaged, keeping earbuds in, half listening to an audiobook to escape from the seemingly endless loop of housewifedom I had entered. I said goodbye to my business, my goals, and the autonomy I've clawed my way toward for seven years. It's not gone forever, but it needed to be put to rest for now so I could get down to the work at hand.

Easter came and went in that peaceful new space we had entered. We've begun moving in tiny concentric circles of play this week, and are not missing anything all that much. 

We moved our "schooling" life outdoors. Setting up our supplies with a small nod to the Waldorf traditions but with the flexibility of not having to adhere to anything that doesn't interest us in that moment. Everyone is happier with this open learning plan. 

We planted our "victory garden" a few weeks ago and it sprouted fast. We'll be growing all our salad greens this Spring/Summer/Fall. 

Bread has been my therapy. I finally made legit baguettes and a good first stab at laminated pastry.

Joel has been a rock through all this. He's had to keep getting up at 5:30am to take meetings and drive his company forward. He's poised to somehow still have one of the most successful years of his career and yet in all that endless work he's managed to be a hands-on Dad and has summoned the energy to cook dinner nearly every night. We are learning to make fancy cocktails and create our date nights with whatever we have. It's not all bad. 

The World Under Quarantine

In early February we hosted some dear friends here from the UK who had just been on a cruise on the Grand Princess, yes, that Grand Princess. We felt we were sending them off home just in time and we were more right about that than we ever wished to be. The very following voyage, as the GP disembarked from San Francisco for Mexico, she would take with her their first COVID-19 passenger and a health disaster on board would begin.

The following week our friend from France (who we met in Singapore) and a co-worker from Atlanta were here. We enjoyed wine and lovely dinners and talked about the looming crisis. Then we shopped for masks for their upcoming flights home and noticed our first sign of foreboding when we found panic in the hardware store and nearly empty shelves. We took the rationed number for our guest heading to Paris and then I opened one of our earthquake/fire kits and made sure we were covered as well as our guest departing for Atlanta.

By the end of that week we were talking in detail with friends of ours who were looking at the absolutely real possibility of needing to have enough food on hand to quarantine for a few weeks. Heck, if we were wrong, we just would finally have enough dry goods put away to officially be fire season and earthquake ready again. We carefully picked up just enough to do 14 meals and only enough toilet paper for that time too I might add. Joel noticed panic setting in among some shoppers at Costco. Shouting at employees to help them as they hoarded pallets of things they didn't really need. It was a bizarre display.

Then the school closures began in the East and South Bay. It was a bit surreal. No one in North America was considering school closures and we only had one COVID-19 case in Marin. But the Grand Princess at this point was sitting out in the SF Bay. 56 of its passengers had come home to Marin and been out and about. Then a week later they were all quarantined because one was ill. We knew we were on the verge of a crisis here and fully supported the drastic measures the Bay Area decided to use. On March 14 we cancelled our oldest's birthday party and I made my last trip out of the house to get him a cake. By March 16, the official shelter-at-home order came via the county Sheriff.

And here we are, 3 1/2 weeks later. Probably another 8 weeks like this ahead of us. We are bouncing between anxious and grateful. We are as safe as anyone can be in the US right now.