The two truths

Our cultural trainer two years ago gave us a talk on "the two truths." It was his way of saying that there are always going to be two answers in Singaporean culture, the absolute truth and the other truth that is protecting someone from losing face. We were aghast, "you mean people will lie to us?" Our trainer smiled and said "well don't call it lying. It's saving face and you'll eventually learn to tell when someone is saving face." He also told us that we needed to learn the ins and outs of indirect communication. What the hell? I couldn't imagine how to use indirect communication in any useful capacity.


Still, I had my eyes and ears open for the whole "two truths" thing. I began to notice little things in conversations. Taxi uncles would spew out stories and the facts would change as the story progressed. If a taxi uncle didn't know how to use his visa machine it was "broken" or "out of paper." At work my husband's co-workers would never apologize for lateness and admit they slept in or missed a bus. Instead they would always say "my mother is sick." And you are to assume this means they are justified in lateness and not to ask a question out of familial respect. Generally any time I hear something that is not quite right I assume it's not and try to figure out what they might really be trying to tell me. It's quite the detective job sometimes. In bigger business things you have to wonder what it is they really need to conceal about the deal and find out what that is. Same thing, bigger problem to solve.

The craziest thing that happens to expats is calling "customer service" here. I think companies have to have these numbers when they set up a franchise of a western company but it seems to really go against local culture. None of these service centres are meant to accomplish anything except to deflect calls. If something is wrong a customer service person's job is to save face for the company and make up as many un-truths as possible and get the caller to go away. Usually a complete waste of time for us but nearly always a great display of how the two truths thing works if you want a demo.

I'm proud to say I've been learning to hone in on my indirect communication skills. When I do really have to plead with a customer service person I do so in person, and never over the phone. In fact a text is more likely to open a door as it's more indirect. I go in smiling and being as kind as possible. I use non-confrontational and indirect language and never ask for what I want. I might say "let me tell you about this problem" and then sprinkle in my own half truth "my family is all visiting and they are waiting to see this" or something that brings family and pride into the picture. Then I turn the conversation into asking for advice with "what do you think I should do?" or "do you think anyone around here can help me with this?" If I am asking them to bend rules, I keep my voice down like it's our little secret. I've had an astonishing amount of luck with this tactic. I got a travel visa processed in 3 hours instead of two days, I got a Dr's office to jump me into the next place in queue so I could make my next meeting on time and have been able to return un-returnable items in stores.

Anyway, that's my little learning moment. I don't think I'll ever master the quiet art of indirect communication quite like the locals but at least I can occasionally play ball.