What to expect when you're expecting dinner at a restaurant in Singapore

I love watching people the first time they eat out here. The service in European and American style restaurants is anything but what you'd expect. Here are the extremely annoying service issues you'll have to get used to in order to eat out and not go crazy.

1) Hailing. You have to wave at a waiter just like you would in a dive-bar to make your order.

2) Missing drinks. Your drinks might all arrive individually which is awkward but honestly half the time they don't arrive at all and we have to re-order.

3) Lonely Plates. Your food will arrive whenever the cook decides to make it and each dish will come one at a time even if you're paying $150+ per head in a french restaurant and you all ordered mains that are not for sharing. You can try to ask at the beginning for your dishes to come at the same time (snickers) but seriously... good luck with that.

4) Missing waiter. Your server will probably never stop by to do a quality check after your food arrives.

5) Fast Plates. Bussers will take plates away that look nearly finished even if you are still holding your fork and others at the table are still eating.

6) The awkward goodbye. No one will ask you if you would like anything else so you better start hailing again for dessert or the bill

7) The missing billfold. They might take off with your credit card and then leave it by the till for half an hour till someone feels like ringing it in.

Just one of those cardinal sins above would have got me fired on the spot from my restaurant job in Vancouver years ago so it's very hard to not bristle each and every time it happens. Thank goodness the bill comes with a 10% tip included which is the percentage reserved for bad service. They like to set the expectations low. Start with a stiff cocktail and hope it shows up before you get to the lonely plates or the missing waiter stage.